This Is Goodbye.

Don’t bother reading this anymore, I have lost all faith in this and well, it’s not like this is a loss to anyone… Good bye.



Career of Food and Words & New Love

I love food, and I really like writing. But, can I really mash the two up together? I just now thought about how I think being a food critic would just be the dream job for me, because it has both! But there is always the other side of me that says I should just stick with food, that I wouldn’t have the true talent of writing. But..who decided what is good and bad quality..? I get that imagery is a key importance to writing, at least in my opinion. Does it really matter about just how many fancy words or the quantity of the work is? Can’t it be as simple or complex as people want it?

There is also advertising. You have to catch people, which is the most difficult part, along with keeping them interested. Creativity is important, and a lot of times, I doubt myself as being so.. *sigh* I wish I could be more confident and sure of myself.

Sorry about the inactivity, ever since that break up, I’ve been totally down. But hey, I got over him and I’m with someone that gets me a bit more. It was on the 30th of November that he asked me out via Skype Chat. At first, I was unsure. But I shrugged and said yeah, because what else could go wrong? *knocks on wood* The more I hung around him, the closer I felt towards him, I started getting those butterflies in my stomach that I haven’t had in a year. It feels great~ And I hope our relationship lasts even longer. SucksthatImustdoitinsecret

But how have you guys been? I still care about you all very much! And I want to grow and talk with you all!! ^v^

Watching: Food Paradise
Listening to: Nothing
Eating: Nothing
Mood: Relaxed ╲ʕ·ᴥ· ╲ʔ

Life Goes On.

It was last night,

I was chatting with him on Messenger and he told me that he was thinking of breaking up with me. My heart started racing and well hey, to be honest, I was thinking of breaking up with him a few days ago, but that changed because he said he’ll try harder at being there for me. Any who, we called each other on the phone and he said that he was confused, he didn’t feel it, he doesn’t want to try anymore and well, he wanted to break up. My reaction wasn’t as severe as I thought it would be. I remained calm but my heart was still beating hard and I was jittery. And well, that’s how it ended.

He asked for his video games back, which I mean he admitted that it sounded douche baggy. At first I said no, that’s what you get for breaking up with me. But what would be the point anyways? He never gave me the controller to play the game anyways. And I haven’t played the games he gave me since like, September since I’m lazy. Last night was that denial stage.

So this morning, I got his games, put my jewelry in there and went off to school, where I saw him walking up the stairs to meet me. I was nervous, I thought nothing would go wrong since now I was feeling okay. He looked sad, which was definitely stupid considering that he was the one who broke my heart. I got out the game out of my backpack, but I asked for a hug. He willingly agreed and I hugged him. That triggered the tears. I was sobbing. He held me, but not like we used to. It was like he had never met me. Ugh… When he pulled back, I grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him back in, crying some more with my head on his chest. I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t want to let go. He pulled away again and walked down the stairs, where I turned around and sobbed in front of everyone, and not a care in the world.. He never looked back.

So, the rest of my day was just kinda “eh”. I talked to him recently, but it didn’t end well. He doesn’t want to be friends right now, which is now fine with me. He blocked me from messaging him though :/ Basically told me to fuck off. I just decided to send an email, having my final words in there, wishing him the best of luck in life and I’ll be there for him if he ever needs anyone.

Evan, if you’re reading this, then thank you.

Watching: Train Wrecked
Listening to: Nothing
Eating: Nothing
Mood: Surprisingly fine. Thinking about how this will affect me and the future.


Love is Life?

What is love? Where does it come from and why do we need it?

To me love is a part of happiness, sadness, and of life. It makes us smile, laugh, cry and upset. But no matter what it is all around us. It could be for a friend, for your pet, for the people you hold closest to your heart. And we can show love just by doing the little things like helping out around the house, talking to people, a single “Hello”, giving a home made card, etc. I think that love falls in many categories. There isn’t a real definition for it because love has different meanings for everyone. But I just can’t see life without it. We need it to be sane, to never be a hollow shell. Love fills us up. It’s one of many emotions that makes us who we are.

I love God, my boyfriend, my family, and the people who make me feel happy. And I love all of you, even if I don’t know you. I don’t think we can love everyone, but we can love a lot. But just remember to love yourself. Sometimes you can care so much about others that you forget to love and care for yourself, which leaves you laying there with yourself deep in sadness. 


Alice in Darkness (Trigger Warning: Self-Harm)

Around and around she goes,
How much longer can she withstand this?
How much more can she take?
As her head spins,
As her left wrist gets sliced up with the small blade,
As she sees the slivers of blood seep out, she frowns.
“That’s more like it..”
How far will she go down the rabbit hole before she hits the end?
She screams and shouts for someone, something.
She wants to break off the mask that she is always wearing.
But for the sake of everyone, she continues to live with this ugly inside and beautiful outside.
She keeps fighting for something that she doesn’t even know will come, will exsist.
“…Maybe one day.” She whispers to herself. “Maybe one day…”

Guys, I’m in a really bad position..My head hurts along with my heart and arms. The pain is feeling better and better by the second. And I’m just so upset…maybe homework will ease the pain for now..